Raising Responsible Teens

 Raising Responsible Teenagers

Everyone has heard when they were younger that it is important to be responsible. Now that you're a parent, it's up to you to help your teens become the most responsible young adults that they can be. Let's talk about why responsibility is important and how you can help your teen become responsible.

School and Responsibility

Schooling and education can be one of the best, biggest, and easiest ways that teenagers can learn responsibility. Sometimes, teenagers would rather focus on anything but school. They might be more interested in the cute new girl they saw in the hallway or what they're going to wear to the next dance. Even though those things are just fine to think about, there should always be some sort of expectation for how your teen is going to do in school. Have a conversation about it. Realistically, what would you like to see your teen accomplish in school? Will they need any help? What happens if they don't achieve their goals?

The Painful Truth About Consequences

As a parent, you may want to shield your child from anything bad that might come their way. You may want to hover over them to make sure that they are always perfectly taken care of. This is called "helicopter parenting". "Helicopter parenting" specifically refers to parents who constantly intervene in their child's affairs, make decisions on their child's behalf, and remove obstacles that a child may encounter so that they will always be successful. The hard part about "helicopter parenting" is that it is usually well-intentioned. However, not allowing your child to make mistakes can be harmful to their social and functional development. Children who have "helicopter parents" are more likely to recreationally use painkillers, have lower self-confidence, and tend to feel more entitled. (1). As hard as it is, a little bit of failure and heartbreak really can make a person stronger. Rather than watching your child fail and not intervene at all, parents should offer support and solutions when their child finds that they are doing something wrong. This doesn't mean that you should make sure that your child is always failing, because what good would that do? None! It just means being careful that you aren't overstepping any boundaries. If you're still confused as to how you can help your teen learn how to be responsible, this next section might help you out. 

Your Role as a Parent

As a parent, there are a lot of things that you can do in terms of helping your teenager build responsibility. The first is to give them opportunities to be responsible. Younger teens could benefit from a chore chart and the responsibility of doing that. Older teens could get a part-time or summer job. A family calendar could be helpful for all ages so that everyone knows and has the responsibility to be at appointments on time. The second way that parents can help with responsibility is to teach them things that will help them be responsible, such as how to cook, how to do laundry, and how to manage money. Introducing new responsibilities tends to work best when a teen is not overly stressed or anxious. For example, you probably wouldn't want to bring up responsibility and giving more workload to a teen who is transitioning from middle school to high school. The last way that parents can help their teens be responsible is to model responsibility. Children learn a lot from their parents simply by watching them. How responsible you are will help determine how responsible your children will be. Are you constantly late to appointments? Do you pay your bills on time? (2). This isn't a case of "do as I say, not as I do". This is one of those moments where actually modeling good responsibility for your children will speak louder than words.

Need More Specific Ideas?

• Make eating dinner together a priority and take turns cooking dinner. This provides your teen with both the ability to learn how to cook and the responsibility of feeding other people. 
• Teach them how to do their own laundry. I have a funny story to go along with this one. One of my college roommates didn't know the first thing about how to do her own laundry. The first time she tried, she turned all of her white clothes pink, including her favorite shirt. After that, it was up to us to teach her how to do laundry. She could have saved her favorite shirt if she had been taught how to do her own laundry prior to coming to college.
• Finances. This is something that everybody, not just teenagers, struggle with. Teaching your child how best to manage their finances can help them greatly down the road. One great resource that I've found is Dave Ramsey. He is a lifesaver when it comes to learning how to manage your finances and the information he provides would be really useful to teens. 
• Encourage your teen to volunteer. In fact, make it a family event. Not only does volunteering help teens learn responsibility, but they'll be able to learn more about the community around then and how they can better contribute to their community.
• Help your teenager set goals. Having goals is a constant. When your teen turns into an adult and gets a job, the idea of having goals is going to always be around them. Set goals as a family to encourage your teen to set goals on their own.
• Use reinforcement! I'm not saying that you should bribe your teen into being responsible. That won't get the end result that we are shooting for. Rather, let your teen know and come to realize that when they do good, good is often rewarded back to them. Give your teen some praise when you notice how hard they are working. It goes a long way.
• Help your teen develop a routine. Not only will having a routine encourage your teen and help your teen be responsible, but it will also help them with lots of other things such as sleep, study time, work, and their mental health.

Teens want to be self-reliant. Craving independence is all part of being a teenager. Parents can help their children learn how to be independent and responsible through a variety of ways. Since children and teens tend to watch their parents, parents should model responsibility. Parents should also be able to provide their teens with the opportunity to have responsibility, while not overstepping any boundaries that their teen may have. Teens won't become these super responsible, perfect teenagers overnight. But they can get there with your help.

Resources

(1) Odenweller, K., Booth-Butterfield, M., & Weber, K. (2014). Investigating helicopter parenting, family environments, and relational outcomes for millennials. Communication Studies, 65(4), 407–425. https://doi-org.proxy.li.suu.edu:2443/10.1080/10510974.2013.811434

(2) Encouraging Responsibility: A Guide for Parents. (2014). Brown University Child & Adolescent Behavior Letter, 30, 1–2.